Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Image

Have you ever been in love and got your heart broken in just a span of an hour?

 

Happy… uhm… Friday everyone! :))

Whether the timing of this post is impeccable or not, it’s for you to decide. :p

 

Commuter Recollections #2 – Crush

As I observe the people around me during those long hours of commutes, I can’t help but notice the ones who just stand out among the rest. I mean, geez, after a long and tiring day, how could you seem like you’ve just gotten out of the shower?

I remember, back in HS, there’s this girl from another school that I almost always see on my way to school. We wait at the same jeepney “stop”, me always letting her in first, and me always sitting on the opposite bench. (I’ve always made it a point to never sit beside someone beautiful during a jeepney ride for you will never be able to catch a glimpse of them, mehehe.)

(little tip: sit in a place where you can look at her at a 45 degree angle)

Image

Why? Because based on observation, people have this tendency to look at the front/back side of the jeep. Now, if they catch you looking at them, you can just fix your eyes more in the front/back side of the jeep and give this “di-kita-tinitignan” feel. *wink*

I look at her way, her eyes sometimes catching mine, but no one really looks the other way immediately. Our eyes stare for a bit longer than a second, and I wonder, does she find me cute as well? ‘Cause for me, she is very beautiful.

We were in this “looking” relationship for almost a year, until I no longer saw her again. Maybe she transferred to another school or moved to another place, I don’t really know. After realizing this, I was a bit sad. What if I tried to strike a conversation? Maybe I should have asked her a trivial question like “what time is it?” just to know how her voice sounds. Well, I wasn’t really sad in the truest sense of sadness, but it just feels like I lost something that makes me happy at the very beginning of the day.

I already mentioned in my earlier post that I take 4 rides to school during college (tricycle, MRT, 2 jeepney rides), and it just feels good to find someone attractive during this rather wasted time.  There’s this girl who’s “cute-ka-kahit-nakabuka-bibig-mo-matulog” girl. There is this girl on the other side of the MRT who looks so stressed and I think to myself “Don’t frown lady, you’re a wonderful creature of God.” There is another girl on our side of the MRT who looks as fresh as ever (and that makes me ashamed of my dugyot after-school look). Moments like this make me happy and sad at the same time. Happy in the sense that my soul was uplifted seeing such a beauty; sad because I know that most probably, it was the first and the last time our roads will ever intersect.

I believe, as we start noticing these little things, the travel becomes a little bit lighter. Instead of complaining about the traffic, or how hot it is in the Philippines, try to relish the moment and see these wonderful little things worthy of so much appreciation. If we all do this, well, commuting may not be as tiring as it may seem.

Image

“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.” – T. E. Lawrence

As I start applying for a new job, I came to experience again the thing that I love and hate at the same time: commuting. I am four rides/1hr and 15mins away from my school back then (a total of 8 rides/2.5 hrs back and forth), and this actually is a sizable chunk of a person’s waking hours. Commutes are very tedious and tiring especially on hot days but you’ve just got to find the good in the bad. For me, I’ve learned to enjoy my travel time by observing the people around me and by letting my mind roam aimlessly. A stream of thoughts rush into my mind, but there are ideas that occur rather frequently, some of which I’m going to share to you.

Dreams.

I always ride the MRT during my college days. I really hate being sweaty, so I try to hide from the sun by sitting on the stairs while waiting for the train to arrive. As I sit there, I watch people pass from both sides of the station. I see people from different walks of life, people of all ages. I see students. Workers. Fathers. Mothers. Children. Lovebirds. Friends. Straight. Gay. Good-looking. Not-so-good-looking. Tall. Short. Everything.

I try to second guess what they do. I wonder where they work or what they do for a living. I wonder how long have they been in love with each other. I wonder whether his/her family accepted him/her for who he/she really is. I wonder where did he get that nice shirt. I wonder why he looks so happy. I wonder why she looks so sad. Random random thoughts.

We are all so different, but I think one thing ties us together. Being in the “commuting class,” I believe that at one point in our lives we wished that “Someday, my life’s going to change. Someday, I’ll be better off.” We all wanted to be rich, to buy our own cars so that we no longer have to endure these very draining commutes. We all hoped that someday we’ll be able to buy the things that we want without worries nor regrets. And so, we work our asses off. We study hard for us to get a good job. We work so that we would be able to save. We work so that we’ll be able to put food into our mouths. We work and we realize that it is not enough, so we work more. We enter this never-ending cycle until we reach a point in our lives where our dreams seem so distant, they seem impossible to reach. We lose hope. We now just go through the motions, what choice do we have? So the commuting class works more, in the hopes that someday, their children would be able to fulfill the dreams they were not able to achieve. Or worse, these dreams are lost, like a very beautiful picture that slid off your pocket.

So, I ask myself, “where do lost dreams go?”

I would love to believe that they go to a place, to a parallel world where the same person picks it up and actually makes it a reality.

The train arrives.
I would like to believe that this world is where my dreams become a reality.

Image

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope… (Romans 5:2-4, ESV)

 

Happy New Year, everyone! (a little late, I know.)

 

For me, New Year’s Day is a very wonderful day. Technically, there’s nothing special in it, except the part where you’re now supposed to write ‘2014’ instead of ‘2013’ at the end of each date. However, New Year’s Day gives everyone a sense of a new beginning, a chance of starting anew. This is the time of the year where people are most motivated in making that breakthrough happen in their lives. People have made their “New Year’s Resolutions” and have promised themselves to work on it this time around. (Just a little tip, change comes best in tidbits. It is better to make small, sustainable steps towards achieving your goal rather than starting big then dwindling midway.)

 

2013 passed by too quickly. I can’t consider it one of my best years as well. It can be summarized as follows:

Jan – March = Must finish school

Apr – May = Vacation

June – October = 1st Work Experience

November – December = Soul Searching

 

On a more serious note, looking back at year 2013, I realized that it was a pruning period for me. (prune: trim (a tree, shrub, or bush) by cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, esp. to increase fruitfulness and growth.) I tried to contemplate and I realized a lot of things. I realized that my high school years were my planting and cultivating years. Here, I have experienced the highest of triumphs, the lowest of defeats, and everything in between. My experiences taught me how to think, how to act, how to manage relationships. I believe that it was a preparation for me for the next stage of my life, college. My college years were my flourish and harvest years. Here, I’ve managed to utilize the wisdom I’ve gained from the previous stage of my life. I’ve met a lot of fantastic people, experienced a wide array of things, and became successful in the things that I pursued. It was all great, and things are all working for me.

 

Then, 2013 came. The things that have been giving me a sense of security all these years were taken away from me.

First, my term as the head of our organization has ended. The position that has placed me in a very comfortable and high pedestal now belongs to someone else and I have to start again from scratch.

Second, I’m no longer working with my very reliable friends. In college, my friends were also my ‘forever group mates.’ We knew each other’s groove and admired each other’s work ethics. We work so well together we’ll be able to pull off anything that will be assigned to us. As we went our separate ways last year, I faced the necessity of developing new bonds, in which I wasn’t very successful.

Lastly, the relationship I’ve been cultivating  for more than 5 years also has ended.

New endeavors weren’t successful as well, especially that of my first job.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I believe that 2013 is a pruning season. It means that I was trimmed in order for me to flourish again. 2013 taught me the pain of loss so once I get hold of the things that are meant for me, I won’t make the mistake of taking them for granted, or worse, losing them for something less valuable. I believe that things happen for a reason; the things I’ve lost are taken away from me not because I don’t deserve them, but because I deserve something better.

 

I claim that 2014 is the year where I will ‘win’ in life once again. I believe that this year is the chance to right the things I’ve been doing wrong in the past year. I believe that 2014 is my chance to make it big.

 

Before I end this post, I would like to share this very wonderful chant they played in The Feast (https://www.facebook.com/TheFeastPicc) last Sunday. The video was taken last Jan. 2011, but they still played it in this year’s first feast gathering as an annual tradition. (0:45 – 2:30)

something good

 

I don’t know what you are going through right now, but I believe that 2014 is also your year, your chance to make it right.

Challenges

Image

Adamantis Virii.

Our fraternity batch name was supposed to mean “Men of Steel.” However, as I researched, I came along a different, or should I say, a better translation: “Diamond Men.”

According to geology.com, The formation of natural diamonds requires very high temperatures and pressures. These conditions occur in limited zones of Earth’s mantle about 90 miles (150 kilometers) below the surface where temperatures are at least 2000 degrees Fahrenheit (1050 degrees Celsius).

Now, imagine being that diamond in the making. You are put to the antagonizing pain of high pressures and temperatures, 24/7, for x number of years. Oh boy, I bet you would have surrendered. I’m imagining that if diamonds have the capability to talk, they would say, “I don’t want to be a diamond, just get me out of here.” However, they can’t talk (fortunately), and they have no choice but to undergo these processes for so long until they are ready to surface.

Why am I saying this?

Diamond, as we know it, is  the most coveted and most precious gem stone. It’s rarity is what makes it so valuable. However, what we see is just the finished product, and not the processes it has undergone to be such a beauty.

I believe that the same works for us. Everything that happens in our lives happens for a reason. What we see as roadblocks now might actually be stepping stones to a bigger future.

 

I believe that challenges are opportunities to make ourselves better.

 

We all have to deal with a lot of difficulties in life. In my case, every single challenge I faced always seemed so big, always seemed insurmountable. A few years later, I look back and laugh at myself. I ask myself “Seryoso, pinoproblema mo yun?”

At that time, those problems were big and those matters were the most important for me. I struggled through those hardships, but these hardships helped me grow as a person, develop my character, and build a solid foundation on what I believe is right. As time passed by, perspective changed, added wisdom kicked in and I realized that those problems are just dents; they are small, wonderful details to the bigger picture of my life.

Just like diamonds, we just have to go through every pressure life places on our shoulders. Every battle will scath us and leave scars, but sooner or later we’ll emerge as victors. Every pruning will hurt, but I look forward to the day when everything I’ve been through would all make sense.

 

I look forward to the day when I would be able stand in awe of the beauty I have made of my life.

Shooting Star (Girl)

download

In the sea of stars, we see a few that shine brighter than the others.

 

Sure, all the stars are beautiful in their own ways, but these stars are definitely a cut above the rest. These stars are everything a man will ever wish for.

 

Captivating.

 

Stunning.

 

One-of-a-kind.

 

But just like any other bright star, they are unreachable. These stars will bring to life all of your insecurities, for you just know that they are out of your league. These stars will make you dream. They’ll make you wish that someday you’ll meet someone like them.

 

They’ll make you wish that someday, they’ll be yours.

 

It was such a beauty that you can do nothing but fix your eyes on that divine anomaly.

 

Then, you suddenly see a flash of light pass. It took quite a while before you realize what it is.

 

It was a shooting star.

 

Captivating.

 

Stunning.

 

One-of-a-kind.

 

It is a bright star, tailor-made for you.

 

 

 

And, in that fraction of a second,

 

 

in that rather insignificant moment of your life,

 

 

 

you fall in love.

 

 

 

 

 

And don’t you worry, for she already fell for you.

My Love Story (Part 2)

Hi there! Here is the second part of my love story. But before reading this, please do read the first part here: https://frommyperspective16.wordpress.com/2013/05/10/my-love-story-part-1/

I also suggest listening to these songs while reading this:

Cambridge by Kina Granis – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGLB3riejJU

Don’t Let Me Go by Click Five – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_08BBIGkwA8

 

images

“I think that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, I’ll always remember our past and I’ll be thankful for that; and hope that wherever you are, you’ll be thankful too.” – Josh (Strangers, Again by WongFu Productions)

 

Our BF-GF relationship was really fantastic. We shared a lot of joyous moments together. We have done the following countless times already:

*watched movies (the first one being “Confessions of a Shopaholic“)

*eaten out

*raced in Timezone (where she won most of the time)

*enjoyed our favorite kwekkwek

*enjoyed green apple sprite float and fries

*celebrated 5 birthdays together

*hugged and kissed

 

But the thing about our relationship is that it has been strengthened by a lot of trials. Remember the bully I mentioned in the first part of this article? Well, he/she ostracized her from their group. She endured the same emotional beating that I have experienced. She was left alone and I did my best to be there for her, despite my busy schedule as the school president at that time. I won’t be able to describe fully the gravity of the events that commenced, but for sure it was a living hell at that time.

Also, a lot of issues happened in school. There were a number of couples who were “caught” (though this wasn’t proven) to be kissing/doing stuff inside the school premises. These issues were the talk of the town and the teachers were keeping an eye out on known couples. One day, she got sick and went to the clinic. Ofcourse, as any boyfriend would do, I went to the clinic as soon as the class ended. (a little bit of background, since we came from a public school, the clinic is oftentimes unattended, we don’t even have a school nurse and sick people were just sent there to rest/sleep) Since someone is already at the bed (our clinic has only one bed), she sat in the couch and rested there. When I came, I sat beside her, held her hand, and she placed her head upon my shoulders. A teacher saw us, drawn his own conclusion, and told our adviser a story very different from what actually happened. We were reprimanded, and come the distribution of class cards, our adviser talked with her parents about the incident. And that’s how her parents found out about our relationship. (talk about a very awful first impression)

Her dad, for obvious reasons, got mad. First, because her precious girl had a relationship without him knowing, and second, for this stupid issue that sprung out of nowhere. The moment was so intense we decided to give each other time and think about it, but since we love each other so much, we have decided to go on with the relationship.

Days have passed, and the day we have been waiting(dreaded) for came, graduation. It is the culmination of all our efforts for the past 4 years, but it also meant that we will not be able to be together the way we used to. We will be studying in different schools, I’ll be taking up Business Administration in UPD, while she would be studying Nursing in OLGC. We were afraid that time and space would separate us, but we went on anyway. We always have this mentality:

 

“Bata pa tayo, at marami pang pwedeng mangyari. Pwedeng hindi rin tayo ang para sa isa’t isa. Pero kahit ‘di natin alam ang magiging hinaharap, we’ll do our best to make this work.”

 

Months after our HS graduation, we have gotten over the “honeymoon” stage of our relationship. We have simmered down to normalcy (as any other healthy couples do) and entered a new stage in our relationship, “comfortable.” (I got the terms from a video by Wong Fu productions, you can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY)

 

The passion and efforts were still there, but not as intense as it used to. Some couples use space and time to grow the relationship, and we did, we tried our best to grow as individuals and as a couple. But as time dragged a little further, it has made us somewhat take each other for granted.

Well, I admit, maybe I’m the one to blame for this. If there are partners who are “control freak,” those who want to know every action of their significant other and wants to consume majority of their time, I’m the exact opposite of that. (and I coined a term for it, “space freak”) I always tell her that I don’t want her life to revolve around me. So I let her go out with her friends and have time for herself and the things she wanted to do. And so I expected the same in return. I spent my time the way I want it to be spent, not even bothering to update her or ask her how she’s doing. I spent it with my friends, with my academic and organizational responsibilities, etc. There are days where I send less than 5 text messages, which actually includes “good morning” and “good night.” With that, the distance between us grew. We were seeing each other less than once a week. We were sending fewer messages. We started living our lives on our own. However, we have done everything to bridge the gap; I can’t say we were successful in doing so, but at least we have managed.

 

Our relationship survived 4 years of college. 4 years of being physically away from each other. Everything turns out to be okay and we were actually happy that this chapter of our lives is about to close for we’ll be able to see and be with each other more often.

 

But, there are things that are just bound to happen.

 

We made a promise together, that we’ll be present in the most momentous events of our lives yet, our college graduations. However, we weren’t able to be present in each other’s graduation (for reasons I don’t want to make public)

 

It is then we realized that a problem, the one we have endured for 4 years, seem to remain unresolved. We thought everything’s already fine when I organized her debut celebration for her, but we were wrong. We realized that we can’t go on with the relationship knowing that there is someone who isn’t happy for us. Someone important to our lives, someone important to her life. And it is for this reason we have decided to call it quits. It was a mutual decision, but it wasn’t an easy one. You know, typical breakups happen due to a lot of misunderstanding or someone fell out of love. And that is what hurts the most, having to leave your love one not because you wanted to, but because you just have to. ‘Cause if we don’t, we can never be truly happy.

 

It has only been 9 days, but it feels so long already. I thought I would be able to go on life as I used to, but there are a lot of things that I miss. No good morning messages that usually make my day. No sweet remarks that make every sigh a smile. No one to wish me a good night sleep. No one to ask whether she has eaten already or how her day went by. Nothing to look forward to everyday.

 

It just pains that the girl who is the most important person in my life is now slipping away; time and space is setting us apart and I have no choice but to accept it and move forward. She was my first girlfriend; and I wanted her to be my last. But I guess life doesn’t operate that way, and soon, all these would be fragments of memory. A part of my life when so long ago, this woman meant the world to me.

 

Yesterday, it was the 16th of May. It was very different from the 54 16th of the month’s before it. And I guess it would be like this from now on.

 

And oh, have I mentioned her name already? This girl, whom I love so dearly, is named Erika.

My Love Story (Part 1)

Before reading this, I would like to suggest that you read this while playing these wonderful songs:

By My Side by David Choi – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swWYvpsLr4o

The Way You Are by David Choi and Kina Granis – http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=tbPhf_KXNZI&feature=endscreen

love

 

1665 days.

 

That’s how long our relationship lasted. It translates to 4 years and almost 7 months of being together. All endings have a tinge of sadness, especially this type of ending, but instead of sulking and being depressed, I want to reminisce the best 5 years of my life. <yet>

 

We first saw each other when we were in grade school. She’s a transferee when we were in grade 5. Well, everybody in the batch knows me since I’m the only guy who made it in to the Top 10. (teehee) And I know her as well. We were already in a relationship when she accidentally admitted that she had a crush on me when we were young. But since we never had a chance to belong in the same class, we never really had the chance to actually know each other that time.

 

High school came and we entered the same school. Again, we weren’t classmates until we were in 3rd year. That time, she was in a relationship and I was having a “MU” with someone else. Well, just like most of the high school affairs, our relationships failed for different reasons.

 

To be honest, I never actually noticed her. Every time someone is asked to describe her, two words always come first into mind: plain and simple. (Well, it is also for this reason that I fell madly  in love with her.) Well, not until my friend started to always mention her. He always rave and talk about how her simplicity, her quietness, and her aura makes her very appealing. From that day forward, I started checking her out, and he was damn right. Slowly, I started to like her. However, my friend still has a very big crush on her, but since he was actually in a relationship at that moment, we talked and resolved that it would be okay for me to make my first move. I remember vividly what I did; it was December and we were having this “Monito-Monita.” The theme for that day was something “long and sweet” and even though she wasn’t my “monita,” I still gave her a present. (of course, anonymously) I left a white rose with the school guard and asked someone to tell her to get something from the guard post. Since then, white rose has become very symbolic for us. In my recollection, I have never given her any other flower besides that of a white rose. This secret admirer thing went on for a couple of days, until I finally found the courage to tell her that it was me.

 

But unlike any other normal HS student, I didn’t enjoy my high school years, mainly because I was a victim of bullying. (I know, I know, it’s kinda ironic that a frat man was actually an emotionally bullied kid before) The reason I mentioned this is that this bully was actually in her circle of friends, and this guy/girl actually did everything to make life as hellish as it can get for us. Come February, everybody was getting prepared for our JS prom (which was scheduled on February 15) and I knew that Valentine’s Day would be the perfect time ask her to become my prom date (to be honest, I was clueless on what prom dates should do during prom.) Valentine’s day came and I gave her a box of chocolates that was then returned to me later that day (the bully asked her to do so, but I managed to give it to her again nevertheless.) Prom day came and one of her girl friends, Camae, helped me to ask her to dance. We dance for a couple of minutes(I don’t  know, maybe around 10-15 mins) but God knows that it felt like eternity that time. We were a feet apart, her hands on my shoulders and mine on her waist. We we’re out of things to say that I actually said a lot of “ayuuun” on which she replied “saan?” Then, the slow music stopped and an upbeat song started playing, which signalled that our piece of eternity be finished.

 

The next day was one of the most memorable dates of our relationship (next to our anniversary.) It was February 16 when she admitted that she likes me too. That day, 16 has become my new favorite number.

 

We had long hours of conversation in the phone, more interaction in school, etc etc. After months of enjoying each other’s presence, I finally had the courage to ask her to be mine.

 

I wanted it to be as memorable as it can be so I conceptualized and asked my friends to help me carry out the plan. My idea is somewhat similar to The Amazing Race.

 

My very close friend Pat gave her the first clue that led her to the first station, the school benches.

 

My friend Cedric was waiting there and gave her the second clue that led her to the back gate.

 

Oliver was there and accompanied her to the third station, the Divine Mercy Church.

 

I was with Paolo in the church, patiently and anxiously waiting. Paolo fetched her and led her to my location.

 

I asked her the million dollar question, in which she didn’t reply immediately. We were there in awkward silence and soon, the mass started as the seconds seemed liked years. I remember every word she said to me in reply.

 

“Alam mo namang hindi pa pwede, ‘di ba?”

 

And lo, it hit me right in the face. It was my first time to ask a girl if she could be my girlfriend, and I was turned down.

 

“Pwede bang tayo lang muna ang makaalam?” 🙂

 

I was lost in my thoughts. Did I hear that right? Was that a ‘yes’? So I asked her,

 

“So, tayo na?”

 

And she nods. Right there, we first hugged as a couple.

It was the 16th of October 2008.